The Soul Borrower

A Blog of Photography and my Lifeography

Eine Taetigkeit

Life sucks. Right now, at least. The last few days in particular. I’ve run into so many pitfalls and don’t know what to say or do. Right now, I’m sitting in one of my favorite shops in downtown Hastings, trying to think of what to write. I’m so confuddled that a good friend of mine came up to me and I was just so lost for words. I said a few things to him, but he could tell that I wasn’t really interested and kinda walked away. Now I feel bad.

I don’t know how much of this I’ve already blogged about, it seems like everytime I think of something to blog I think that I’ve already done it. In reality, I haven’t blogged about a whole lot recently.

I’ve been living in Omaha for about 2 months now, maybe a little less. I’ve quit my job that I was working at. I got tired of doing all the fucking work and getting none of the credit. It didn’t go over too well. I sorta just walked out on them. I let the supervisor on staff know that I was leaving, and I just didn’t go back. I’ve never done that before. I’ve known people that have just walked out without another care in the world, but never me. It’s so weird. One day I have a job and the next, I don’t. I’ve never been for more than a week or two without a job. So far it’s been 11 days. I’ve already applied to several different places, but no word yet. I fear that since I burned that bridge, I won’t be able to get a job doing the same thing in this town. I don’t think that the manager would go to such lengths as to prevent me from doing so, but I am so paranoid right now.

Another part of me doesn’t even want to find another job. I want to go to fucking college. I know, it’s like a broken record since I’ve said that in a great number of my posts already, but as of Sunday, it’s become the center point of my life. I applied to the University of Nebraska @ Omaha, even though I have no way of paying for it. I filled out the FAFSA (Federal Application for Student Aid) but it is useless. I didn’t give my parents information, but you need it to actually get any money. My parents are the source of my downfall.

I’ve been so pissed with them lately. Well, for the last 2 or 3 years, actually. The reason I can’t get any federal money to go to college is because they haven’t filed their taxes in 6 bloody years. How they aren’t in Jail is beyond me. They didn’t file for the first few years simply because they were just lazy – my dad took over my Grandpa’s business and the work of taxes was too much for him, apparently. This past year, my mom lost her job and my dad’s business is basically stagnant. Hence we have no money to even pay taxes, if by some small miracle they had wanted to. Hence the reason I am screwed majorly by them. I can’t help but think how differently my life right now would be: I wouldn’t have to worry as much about money, my parents could pay my way through college, or at least give me a hand, like most parents do. I’d be able to travel during down times and I could concentrate on my future, rather than trying to stay afloat.

Oh the possibilities.

I’ve applied, and where I will go from there I don’t know. I will make an appointment with the financial advisor at the college and see what they can do, if anything.

I just hope I can get a job and fast. Priority Number 1 is getting my credit card paid off. All through high school I had friends who had gotten into trouble with credit card debt and I swore that I would never become one of those people. Well, so much for that, now. After I get that done, I’m going to try and save enough to go on hiatus for a few months.

On a happier note, I created a profile on At first I didn’t really believe in dating sites, but it was turned up some interesting results. The people it matches for me are actually pretty interesting and seem like the kind of people that I’d get along with. Someone actually ‘Winked’ at me, and I’d really like to get in contact with him. Now all I have to do is drop the $20 or so for the subscription to be able to contact him.

To a brighter horizon. I hope.


December 2, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. I related to a lot of your post. My parents wouldn’t give me their financial info either (none of the govt’s business). I still managed to get a few scholarships, grants, loans and school jobs without it. Just had to work harder at it.

    I also got into credit card debt in college. I made the big mistake of putting tuition on my card, and immediately the card company jacked my rate up to 24%, to where I couldnt even make the minimum payments. Sucked. That was the bane of my life for many years. I don’t carry ANY credit cards at all any more.

    I also liked — I was very successful with it. There were sleezeballs on there, but they were easy to spot and ignore, and I met some really decent people there.

    If you have to go to community college first, then do it. In this economy, the government is giving so much money to community colleges to recruit students! You might find community college to be not only more affordable, but a better path to what you need.

    And your parents are (sorry to say), idiots for failing to file taxes. With all the dependent credits and losing job and so forth, they probably would have gotten money back instead of paying.

    Comment by aron | December 2, 2009 | Reply

  2. My parents are also of the opinion that it isn’t any of their business, when in reality they probably already know, unless they’ve got secret money stashed away. I don’t see how you got loans or grants, because they aren’t offered unless you fill it out. They are idiots for not filing taxes and should be in jail.

    Comment by Jake | December 4, 2009 | Reply

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